Try? or Try, Try Again...?

Published on 11 June 2023 at 09:46

Relationships are not always easy. Sometimes, we may find ourselves in situations where we feel unhappy, dissatisfied, or frustrated with our partners.

We may wonder if we should keep trying to make things work, or if we should just give up and move on. But how do we know when to stop trying in a relationship?

Here are some signs that you may be trying too hard and that your relationship may be seriously flawed.


>> You Have Low Expectations
One reason why you may be trying too hard in a relationship is that you have low expectations of what you deserve and what you can get from a partner. This may be due to low self-esteem, past abuse, or other negative experiences that have shaped your beliefs about yourself and relationships. If you have low expectations, you may settle for less than you deserve and tolerate bad behavior from your partner. You may also overlook or rationalize the problems in your relationship and focus on the positive aspects instead. This can make you feel satisfied with an unsatisfactory relationship and prevent you from seeking better alternatives.


>> You Have Unrealistic Illusions
Another reason why you may be trying too hard in a relationship is that you have unrealistic illusions about your partner and your relationship. You may see your partner more positively than they really are or ignore their flaws and shortcomings. You may also value the qualities that they have more than the ones that they lack or change your preferences to match theirs. This can make you feel more attracted and attached to your partner, even if they are not compatible with you or good for you. It can also make you ignore the signs that your relationship is not working and that your partner is not meeting your needs.


>> You Are Afraid of Being Alone
A third reason why you may be trying too hard in a relationship is that you are afraid of being alone. You may believe that you need a relationship to be happy, or that you will not find another partner if you leave this one. You may also worry about the consequences of breaking up, such as losing friends, family, or social status. These fears can make you cling to a bad relationship and avoid facing the reality of your situation. They can also make you compromise your values, boundaries, and goals to please your partner and keep them around.


>> You Are Hoping for Change
A fourth reason why you may be trying too hard in a relationship is that you are hoping for change. You may think that your partner will change their behavior, attitude, or personality if you give them enough time, love, or support. You may also think that your relationship will improve if you work on it harder, communicate better, or solve the issues that are causing conflict. These hopes can make you stay in a bad relationship and invest more energy and effort into it than it deserves. They can also make you ignore the fact that change is unlikely to happen unless your partner is willing and able to do so.


If you recognize yourself in any of these signs, it may be time to stop trying in a relationship and consider ending it. Trying too hard can be exhausting, frustrating, and unhealthy for both you and your partner. It can also prevent you from finding a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship with someone who is right for you.


Here are some questions to ask yourself before making a decision:

- Are you happy in this relationship?
- Are your needs being met by this partner?
- Do you share the same values, goals, and vision for the future?
- Do you respect, trust, and support each other?
- Do you communicate openly and honestly with each other?
- Do you enjoy spending time together and have fun?
- Do you have a healthy balance of independence and interdependence?
- Do you feel safe and comfortable with this partner?
- Do you love this partner for who they are, not who they could be?


If the answer to most of these questions is no, then it may be time to stop trying in a relationship and move on with your life. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship that meets your needs and expectations. You also deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are and who is willing to work with you to create a healthy and lasting partnership.




- Edwards et al., 2011:
- Fletcher et al., 2000:
- Thibaut and Kelley, 1986:
- Luciano and Orth, 2017:

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